I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
