You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
