If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
No subtext here. People are naked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
