Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
