You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
