On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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