ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
