I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
