when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
