you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize