why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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