Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
