Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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