saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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