He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize