Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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