u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize