its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
