I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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