I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
