i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize