So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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