Already got asked if we're dating
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
