No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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