does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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