Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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