I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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