if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
