My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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