Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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