He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
