I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I want a musical about memes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
