I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
