Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
