NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize