my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
