i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
