Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
