How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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