It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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