I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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