took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize