She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
