i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
