I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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