Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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