I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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