You work out of a Hotel?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
