then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
