But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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