What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
