I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
