2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
