Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
