did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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