so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
