turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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