So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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