Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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