I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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