Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
