oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
