Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
