You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So many bounce houses so little time
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
