??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
