I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
