Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
