I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
