Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just had sex on a roof
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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