you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
