I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
