i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize