I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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