i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
