it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
