i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need a hoe opinion
go on
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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