Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
