Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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