Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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